Tek won't make the switch from switch

Today, in the world of sports, everyone’s an expert. That’s why talk radio exists. That’s why the blog era has flourished faster Al Gore’s Internet itself.

Me, I’m no expert, either. Perhaps a budding expert in the realm of Wisconsin football, but only because I was the beat writer, not merely because I’ve watched every game and discussed them at every local bar since setting foot in Madison two and a half years ago.

No, I’m no Red Sox expert, just a fan. But I do know one thing. I have a keen sense for moronic suggestions. It can’t tell the difference from certain aromas, but my nose can detect ignorance from quite a distance. So allow me to clear one thing up, something that’s been bothering me for a few days now.

During my infrequent visits home to the Northeast, I enjoy listening to WEEI sports talk radio. Sometimes callers make decent, head nod-worthy points, but most of the time the nodding comes of the horizontal variety on my part. Especially when it comes to recent Jason Varitek talks.

No, this isn’t another Scott Boras barrage and I’m not campaigning for the Sox to resign their captain – although I think they should. This is specifically about his hitting.

After batting a dismal .220 last season, many fans believe Captain Tek should strictly bat from the right side and forgo the trade of switch hitting. He has, of course, consistently had a higher batting average from the right side of the plate during his career, so why not make the switch from switch? After all, then “he would only have to focus on one side,” I’ve heard. Sounds easy enough, right?

Right. The guy’s been switch hitting since before his days at Georgia Tech with Nomah. He hasn’t seen a curveball or slider break away from him since grade school. Changeups have consistently tailed away from – not toward him for decades.

Varitek may or may not be donned in a Boston uniform come next month. But one thing is for sure: No. 33 will continue to hit from both sides of the plate. “Focusing on one side” would be like telling Phil Mickelson to bury his driver. Sure, he put more than a handful in the woods, but the phrase “lay up” isn’t part of his non-basketball routine. Just like Varitek isn’t about to learn to hang in there on a hook headed for his left ear that ends up on the outside corner.

Strictly batting righty wouldn’t make things easier for Tek, it would be putting the training wheels back on at the tail end of a storied, two-ring career.

Come on Sox Nation, you should know better than that.