Week 5 Picks

Last Week: 9-5

Overall: 36-23-3

Simmons Last Week: 6-8

Simmons Overall: 31-28-3

Slowly but surely I’m digging Simmons into a deeper and deeper hole. A blowout performance last week gives me some breathing room here for Week 5. But I show no mercy; time to bring the heat!

RAVENS -7 Broncos – Kyle Orton has looked more like John Elway than Kyle Orton through four weeks. Kyle, this is Ravens defense. Ravens defense, this is Kyle.

BILLS -1 Jaguars – The 0-4 Bills are favored at home after the Jags took down the Colts in Jacksonville. Love it!

COLTS -7 Chiefs – Never bet against Bill Belichick after a bye week. Oh wait, the Chiefs have Romeo Crennel, Charlie Weis, Scott Pioli, Matt Cassel, Mike Vrabel, but no Belichick. I’ll take Peyton Manning coming off a loss to the lowly Jaguars.

LIONS -3 Rams – Another 0-4 team favored? Wins against fellow NFC West teams don’t count in my book. Lions roll and Megatron leads my fantasy team to another victory, this time over Matt Magnani in my Framingham FAM keeper league.

Falcons -3 BROWNS – The Browns can’t win back-to-back games against winning teams, can they? Prove it!

Buccaneers +7 BENGALS – Man that’s a lot of points for a 2-1 team coming off a bye. Remember the name: Mike Williams.

PANTHERS -2.5 Bears – This line has shifted five points since Monday. Todd Collins at quarterback on the road? No thanks.

Packers -2.5 REDSKINS – Man I hate -2.5 on the road. But the Packers looked shitty against the Lions at home last week and the McNabb took down the Eagles in Philly that afternoon. Packers roll; that’s just how the NFL works.

TEXANS -3 Giants – Just like he did with “Shutter Island” for Tyler Fishbune last semester, Brian Walesa ruined Simmons’ Texans pick by posting it on my Facebook wall. Unfortunately, I agree with him. Playing the Bears after a Monday night battle with the Packers was a gift for the G-Men. This week, not so much.

Saints -7 CARDINALS – The Super Bowl champs haven’t quite clicked yet. A little dose of Derek Anderson and the Cardinals should do the trick. And by the way, Drew Brees, how about throwing the ball to Marques Colston, your best receiver? Could that help, perhaps? Jesus Christ, you’re killing my Bro Haus fantasy team! (That and Andre Johnson and Ryan Grant’s ankles, respectively).

Chargers -6 RAIDERS – For some reason I hate betting against the Raiders on late home games. I have no stats to back it up, just a gut feeling. But the Chargers are rollin’, and Darren McFadden is out. Go Phillip, go! Did I really just say that?

Titans +7 COWBOYS – The Cowboys Line Inflation Theory, brought to you by Jordan Russum. I mean, he did patent the Sucker Bet Theory with me in 2007. Seven points? I like it.

49ers -3 Eagles – Three 0-4 favorites at home. No more Michael Vick for Philly, at least for now. I’m calling it; Kevin Kolb actually poops in his pants when Patrick Willis stares at him at the line. Just remember where you heard it first.

Vikings +4 JETS – Ugh, I have to root for Randy Moss THIS week? Scratch that, I’m rooting for a 0-0 tie.